I empathize with your situation. You want the truth, and you also want to be loyal and loving to your husband. This is a good trait because as we read in the Scriptures, a woman is bound by law to her husband for as long as he lives (Mark 10:12, Romans 7:1-4, 1 Corinthians 7:39).
Although the [another Christian denomination] church has a greater regard for the Scriptures than the New Apostolic Church (NAC), you have no-doubt noticed that your transition into the NAC has been a descent into greater darkness. You did not receive the whole truth in the [another Christian denomination] church, but in the NAC, there is even greater deception and error.
To cure your confusion, my best advise to you would be to obey Yah by obeying your husband in every matter. As we read in 1 Peter 3,
“In the same way, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that if any are disobedient to the Word, they, without a word, might be won by the behaviour of their wives, having seen your blameless behaviour in fear. Your adornment should not be outward – arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on dresses – but the hidden Man of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a meek and peaceable spirit, which is of great value before Elohim. For in this way, in former times, the set-apart women who trusted in Elohim also adorned themselves, being subject to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Aḇraham, calling him master, of whom you became children, doing good, and not frightened by any fear.”
When you obey your husband, this communicates to him that you do love him. Similarly, as we read in 1 John, when we obey the commandments of Yah, this is the proof that we love Him.
Though they rarely ever really study the Scriptures, ministers in the NAC do hold the Bible in some regard. Therefore, if your husband sees you studying the Scriptures daily, trying to understand why we know they are true, then perhaps by your example, he will take an interest in studying the Scriptures as well. Be cautioned not to question him, challenge his authority or argue with him, as this is not pleasing to Yah. Once your husband starts to regard the Scriptures as authoritative, the Holy Spirit (which is the Spirit of Truth) may help him see the great many contradictions between what is written in the Scriptures and what is taught in the NAC. This process may take some time, so be patient. Your loyalty and obedience to him will secure his heart to you, and as we read from Peter, it could be that he may be won by your blameless behaviour in fear.
Regarding which church you should attend, I can offer no advice, sadly. There are many scholars and pastors that know a great deal about the Scriptures and are able to teach them well to a degree, but I have yet to meet a teacher or a pastor that is fully submitted to the commandments that our Creator has given us to live by. What is of paramount importance is that we study the Scriptures very diligently so that we are not deceived by the false “anointed ones” of our time. As Yahshua warned us in Matthew 24:5, there would be many false teachers claiming to be “anointed” who will deceive many. Certainly, this is happening today.
I have asked that my wife, Victoria write some words of encouragement here for you as well.
From Victoria: Hello, Confused! When my husband was a priest in the New Apostolic Church, he started to question the church’s doctrine after studying the Bible, which really scared me at the time. I almost turned him in the church authorities! You are not in exactly the same situation, but perhaps there is something in my testimony that will encourage you. Yah gave me a wonderful experience that helped me to see that my life in the NAC was devoid of the light of the truth of the Scriptures and the light of Yahshua Messiah. A friend from school invited me back to my hometown for her bridal shower, and when I arrived, those who were in attendance spoke about their mission trips. They also spoke about Jesus (who we now know his name to be Yahshua) as if they knew him personally, and this helped me to see that my faith was not as real as their faith. I felt left out of their conversation, alone and empty. I returned home very confused but resolved to study the Bible for myself. I immediately joined a Bible study with a friend and, for the first time ever, I read the Gospel of John in its entirety, which was life-changing. I then read the book of Jeremiah, and after reading the 23rd chapter and seeing the many similarities between what is described there about the false pastors and the ministers of the NAC, I immediately began to realize that my husband’s suspicions were correct – we grew up in a cult. Since that time, we have learned so much by studying the Bible, and we are learning everything we can about it. While we were in the NAC, we pretended to have a good marriage, but it was actually crumbling behind closed doors. Yah has taught us how to make marriage blissful. We now have 5 children and they see their mom and dad holding hands and loving each other’s company. Please do feel free to contact me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. We are praying for your comfort, encouragement and trust in His Word.
Blessings to you in the name of Yahshua Messiah,
Tim and Victoria